what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
