why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry about my life...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
