chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
