I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
