I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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