Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
