i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
