I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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