Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
