i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize