His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
