I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
whose parrot is this?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
