its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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