So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
