I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
