hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
