Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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