Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
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And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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