'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
