So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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