he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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