Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
