He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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