they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
