You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
