Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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