As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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