Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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