If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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