Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
