You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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