I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
