my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
