Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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