I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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