Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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