Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
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He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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