He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
