i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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