I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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