in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
