I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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