Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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