Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
