Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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