Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
