sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
