Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
