He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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