That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
