one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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