So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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