Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
