his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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