guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
