not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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