Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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