I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
