Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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