i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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