Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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