Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
