dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
