shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
